And for some reason, i feel really weird.
Not an illness,
No.
In a philosophical way.
A way that makes me, once again, question things that, for the better of my own sane-ness, i should just leave alone.
(Before i get deeper, I'm just going to say this is my first, and maybe my last journal entry)
If you know me, you know that i do not belong to a sect of people who worship a sacred being of any sorts.
What not many people now, is that ever since i stopped believing in the almighty, I started doubting this "gift" of life.
Not that i doubt it is a gift, i just think to much on the end of the road,
i don't see why people do the things they do, if they know that one day in there lives it's just going to end.
I think this a lot, unfortunately.
I think about what else is there, without a religion to lean on, and a "better place" to move into.
Am i going to be reduced to grass and trees and soil?
Or am i wrong by not putting a mythical being at the center of my heart?
My thoughts are a double edged sword;
On one side, i go with my true beliefs, not being conditioned to an old tradition,
On the other side, i fall into a state, every once in a while, that drags me down to the dumps, knowing that life could have been just a lucky roll-of-the-dice occurrence.
Its scary, the other side.
Depression does hurt.
Could religion wash away this stigma of difficult sadness?
It's a tricky subject, Death.
It runs along the border of myth and truth, whether we like to admit it or not.
The only ones who know, or more or less would know, are the friends and brothers and daughters and fathers and mothers and blood that have rotted away.
The dead who tell no tales.
Why should it be more important to hand out billions of dollars to give the people who put our economy in the port-a-pottie its in now, then to hand out billions of dollars to the kids that see and smell and hear death everyday due to being starved.
We could stop the hunger for food;
We can't stop the hunger for greed
Why would a God give us this gift if, being the almighty know-it-all he is said to be, he could see us fucking it all up.
i need sleep...